Funniest dad jokes

Read the 50+ funniest dad jokes ever. Here, you will find some really funny jokes about dad, to make you laugh and have a better day. Let’s see the coolest and funniest dad jokes you can find, on the Internet.

  1. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  2. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!
  3. “Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
  4. Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.
  5. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
  6. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
  7. “How do you get a squirrel to like you?” “Act like a nut.”
  8. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
  9. “Why don’t eggs tell jokes?” “They’d crack each other up.”
  10. What sound does a witches car make? Broom Broom
  11. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
  12. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
  13. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
  14. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRAAIINS!”
  15. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
  16. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
  17. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”
  18. “Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
  19. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
  20. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  21. What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
  22. “Dad, can you put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
  23. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
  24. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
  25. Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
  26. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
  27. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  28. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
  29. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
  30. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
  31. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  32. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
  33. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
  34. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
  35. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.
  36. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
  37. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
  38. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  39. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
  40. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
  41. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  42. I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
  43. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
  44. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  45. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
  46. I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
  47. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
  48. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
  49. A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
  50. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
  51. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!
  52. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  53. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  54. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
  55. What did the fried rice say to the shrimp? Don’t wok away from me.
  56. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  57. What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.
  58. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
  59. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
  60. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
  61. How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya
  62. I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.
  63. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable
  64. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  65. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
  66. Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
  67. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
  68. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
  69. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
  70. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
  71. What happens when a frogs car dies? He needs a jump. If that doesn’t work he has to get it toad.
  72. Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
  73. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  74. Can February March? No, but April May!

I hope you enjoyed the funniest dad jokes list and they brightened a bit your day. You can also check our list of positive quotes and words.

Have a nice day!